The following is the log from my IM session with Beth shortly after posting the previous entry. I post it because, as mentioned in the last entry, you’ll do just about anything to pass the time when you’re stuck in a Ramada Inn in Laramie, Wyoming.

Beth: hey
C.H.U.D.: there’s new pie
Beth: omw in a sec
Beth: what color sweater did you order?
C.H.U.D.: frost
Beth: lovely. and it’s such a good color for you
C.H.U.D.: I think it’ll bring out my diamonique clip-on earrings I bought to go with it
Beth: i hope they’re dangly
C.H.U.D.: Now they’re pushing the Deirdre McGuire Pima Cotton Mockneck Turtle Sweater for Retail $392, QVC special $229.60.
C.H.U.D.: It’s great.
Beth: omg
Beth: who is dierdre mcguire?
C.H.U.D.: Coming up is the “Rose of Tralee Celebration.”
C.H.U.D.: Who cares?
C.H.U.D.: It’s PIMA COTTON, honey!
C.H.U.D.: In a MOCKNECK TURTLE!!!!!
Beth: oooh, gotta get me some of that
C.H.U.D.: You really can’t understand how bad Pride is unless you actually watch it.
C.H.U.D.: But don’t, because you’ll be scarred.
Beth: no interest
Beth: but I tivo’d I Love the 70’s
C.H.U.D.: I knew it was going to be bad just on GP: John Goodman, animated, animals, sitcom, ABC, Siegfriend & Roy…
C.H.U.D.: But I had no idea how bad…
Beth: yes, i heard about it
Beth: soooo less than no interest here
C.H.U.D.: Honey. They used VOICES.
C.H.U.D.: I mean character-type voices.
C.H.U.D.: Raspy Brooklyn. Haughty British. Etc.
Beth: lovely
C.H.U.D.: Oh, it hurts.
Beth: it’s hurting to hear about. so stop please
C.H.U.D.: You know what you should do? Take a page from Gavin’s journal and post this conversation as an entry in yours.
C.H.U.D.: It’s got me in it, so it’s guaranteed to be good. And it’s vaguely amusing. AND it’d be a new entry!
Beth: why?
C.H.U.D.: You win 3 ways!!!!
Beth: i put one up earlier today
Beth: smartass
C.H.U.D.: Damn, honey, first I set you up with a journal and now I’m writing it for you!
C.H.U.D.: How lucky are you???
C.H.U.D.: Hello?
C.H.U.D.: Are you there?
C.H.U.D.: Honey?

Spending your evenings in a hotel in Laramie, Wyoming is boring. Bo. Ring. You find yourself doing weird things to pass the time: making faces in the mirror, making animal statues with wadded up wet toilet paper, watching Benny Hinn Insanity Workshops on CBN, talking to your wife on the phone, etc. You’ll do anything to pass the time. Anything. Seriously, anything. You might even watch a smarmy, smirking chimp give an acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention.

But tonight I found my limit. Tonight I discovered Father of the Pride on NBC. Oh. My. God. What a steaming, putrid, dreadfully not-funny pile of entertainment programming that is. I watched about three minutes of it before I reached for the laptop to write this entry and I’ve had it on in the background as I write. But I seriously can’t listen to another minute of it, so I have to turn it off right n–

Oh lord, it got worse even in the two seconds I took reaching for the remote. They were doing some lame rap thing before I mercifully changed the channel to QVC.

QVC. Aaaahhhhh….. Yes, even QVC is good compared to Pride. I think I’ll buy the lovely Marino Wool Two-Way Zipper Hooded Sweater Coat w/Trinity Knot Pull, Retail Value $99, QVC Price $71.50, Today’s Special Value $59.64 they’re hawking now, just to cleanse my entertainment palate.

Note to Pride producers: Fellas, listen. I’m okay with the animated thing — it can work, I don’t have a problem with it. And I’m okay with making an animated sitcom about animals, too; that too can work. But guys, come on, if you’re going to make a sitcom of any kind, remember what the COM stands for: COMedy. It’s not enough to just throw “jokes” in, a few of them actually need to be funny. Look, it worked for Seinfeld, so it could work for you too. Maybe. Honestly, I doubt it, but I’m open to extreme possibilities, so “maybe.” But also honestly: probably not.

So please just stop. Please. Don’t make me QVC again.