Better late than never:

Alien vs Predator. August of next year.

I am so there.

Just because I think it’s funny, the following is an email exchange between me and a co-worker/friend from when I was in Fresno last week:

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
You there?

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
No. Going to lunch now.

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
I’ll e-mail later then. I got some questions on a couple of orders.

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
I’m back, but I’ll tell you in advance the answer is “no.”

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
No…OK.

So what’s up with the Package orders on Station 1. The spots on them are labeled with a break type of Coachs Show…so none of them are scheduling and thus putting quite a bit of money in the pool.

Wass up wit dat?

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
Settle down, Nancy. They’ll be going into special events that may not have been built or applied yet.

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
oh man…and I’ve got my panties in a nice big wad, too.

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
Which pool are you looking at? Monday’s, or just “the pool” in general?

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
November.

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
Dude. You have GOT to chill.

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
can’t…I think something crawled up my ass.

From: Chuck
To: Kevin
Must be management oriented.

From: Kevin
To: Chuck
smells that way.

Beth and I share a Blockbuster account that dates back to early in our relationship; it was one of our first “us” things that we did as a couple. For me, getting that joint account was a serious step toward commitment. But the bloom is off the video rose and I’ve been considering breaking up.

The problem is that Beth can not, will not, does not return movies on time. So we get hit with late fees every friggin’ time we go to rent movies. Right now, in fact, there are two movies sitting on the entertainment center at home that are at least a month overdue. It’s maddening to me. So when I was in Fort Smith a month ago and I wanted to rent movies one night but didn’t have our BB card, I started my own account.

I got to use my new card last Saturday. I was about to check out Matrix Reloaded when I remembered the overdue movies and got all pissed off because I didn’t want to have to pay the late fees (again!). Then I remembered my new, personal, Chuck-only, unsullied-by-late-movies membership card and got happy again. I was giddy with glee and smug with satisfaction that A) I didn’t have to pay Beth’s late fees, and B) I wouldn’t have to pay late fees on this because I would return it on time. Me renting solo was going to be a whole different story.

Matrix was due back Tuesday night. Except it’s on the entertainment center right next to the other late movies. Late.

Maybe Beth wasn’t the problem after all…

How well you remember the 80’s is a good indicator of how many drugs you did. I scored 54.6 on this quiz. That either means I did too many or not enough. Or maybe it was just the right amount. It felt right at the time, but that could have just been me settling for what I could afford. Whatever; now I’ve got a new crop of earworms.

Careful readers of Pie already know I have a new cell phone — a new camera-equipped cell phone. Because, you know, I’m a big ol’ geek and always have to have the newest toys — or at least the ones I can afford, because I haven’t yet been able to reach the New Harley Toys plateau.

Anyway, me and my new phonecam (camphone?) have been out and about and have shared many adventures. And because I’m a giver (that’s “giver,” not “big ol’ geek”) I’ve set up a moblog where you can see what me and my phonecam have seen. Enjoy!

(I do apologize for the title, though:)

There’s pEye in the Lunchroom

(Ouch.)

I too couldn’t resist. And now I’m a little bit disturbed by this.

You are the Girl Next Door. You’re the sweet one.
The quiet one. The one that he doesn’t realize
he’s got until you’re gone.

What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?

I mean, who knew I was so freakin’ nice???

People piss me off. My latest anti-humanity bitch is courtesy of the email I just received in response to my craigslist posting looking for tickets to see Seal at the Wiltern next week. It’s Beth’s birthday, she likes Seal; I figured I’d put it out there and see what turned up.

Numbnuts responded: Hello. I have a pair on the 18th location is FLOOR 3 Row J, and a pair on the 19th located FLOOR GA. Please call if interested or for more info at 310-XXX-XXXX. Thanks, Numbnuts.

Great, he has a pair of tickets. They sound like decent seats and they’re for my preferred night. I wonder how much he wants for them? Gosh, I don’t know because he didn’t bother including that minor bit of information. And I’m not gonna call to find out because I already know from his email that he’s going to be too painfully stupid to talk to.

He’s probably the same guy who advertises apartment rentals with square footage, amenities, number of BR and BA, pets allowed and 1st MONTH FREE … but doesn’t bother telling how much the freakin’ rent is. Also, he’s probably selling his car with a sign in the window listing the year, model and maybe even mileage … but, again, no price.

People annoy me. My price for that information? Free.

Zoe’s been playing Zoo Tycoon on her computer lately, and frankly it’s been a little bit disturbing.

None of her animals are happy. There’s a little window at the top of the screen that appears when the system has information to give you, and Zoe’s window is open permanently with a scrolling display of woe:

Gorilla #2 is not happy with its enclosure.
Wolf #9 is not happy.
The zookeeper cannot get to the zebra food.
California Sea Lion #2 is sick.
Grizzly Bear #5 needs water.
Giraffe #13 is not happy.

The in-game zoo regulating agency keep shutting her zoo down for animal mistreatment and won’t let her buy any more animals until things improve, so I showed her how to check the health of her animals and find out what they need to make them happier. So now she is easily able to identify which animals are sick and are bringing her score down — so she can help them, I thought. I was wrong.

Zoe’s treatment for a sick or unhappy animal? She feeds it to the lions. And what do you know — her score improves.

The lions are the only ones who are happy. They’ve been dining on penguin for days.

Headline: Golfer Bitten in Head by Rattlesnake

I wonder if they used a tourniquet?

Southern California isn’t all about sunshine and palm trees and endless summer. No, sometimes it gets cold out here. And if you’re on a motorcycle it’s even colder. This morning was a brutal 46 degrees when I left the house. (Minnesota readers are spewing hot chocolate all over their screens right about now.) That’s fuggin’ cold on a bike, kids. You have to dress for it.

My wardrobe is:

• Tinted goggles to keep the wind and sun (and bugs and road trash and etc…) out of my eyes

• A buff worn balaclava style
• A heavy leather coat
• Leather gloves
• Jeans
• Leather chaps
• Boots
• Half helmet (thus requiring the balaclava-style buff)
• And the best 50 cents I ever spent: a fleece pullover I picked up at a thrift store in Bozeman, MT

I’m actually pretty toasty with all that on. There’s a few square inches of near-frostbite on my forehead where the wind gets under the buff, but otherwise I’m as comfortable as if I were in a car.

It’s warmer than it sounds. Honest.

And this is probably the lamest entry I’ve ever posted.