I’m websurfing in my home office when I hear a commotion in the kitchen. I can’t make out the words but Zoe is sobbing — something awful has happened. I come flying out of my office, heart racing: “What’s wrong?!? What happened!?!”

Zoe is grinning, being a goof, parading around with her kitten Sparkle draped across her shoulders. “I have a loaded Sparkle and I’m not afraid to use it!” she declares.

Oh. Reach for the defibrillator paddles…