1. As I write edit this list at 12:15 pm PST on November 25, 2008, I am 46 years old. 2. I have been married to Beth since 6/25/95. 3. Her response to "Will you marry me?" was "Fuck you." 4. I like to joke that I survived the Seven Year Itch by getting the fooling around out of the way in Year Three. 5. I think Beth is afraid I'm not joking about that (but I am). 6. I have a 12-year old daughter, Zoe. She is the light of my life. 7. I have no sense of smell. I can, however, taste. 8. I once drove 3 hours into the desert with a complete stranger to hang up a pay phone. 9. My web page about the adventure was a runner-up for a Cool Site of the Year award in 1999. 10. I live within 10 miles of my mother and brothers and used to work within 5 miles of my sister's home. I rarely see any of them. 11. I used to have a Hollywood Agent who "represented" me in my pursuit of a career writing for sitcoms. That's not what I'm doing now, so one of us clearly sucked. I like to think it was him. 12. I have sold one feature script that was made into the worst direct-to-video movie I have ever seen. It's so bad that I have never let Beth see it. When I say it's bad, I mean it's bad. 13. I have four tattoos, and plans for two more. 14. My wife thinks I'm color-blind, but it's really more a rejection of the female palette: I do not recognize "colors" like taupe and hazel and salmonberry. I believe there are about 12 basic colors, and everything in between can be described by calling it "light" or "dark" - light blue, dark green, etc. Anything else is the invention of pre-pubescent girls or paint companies. 15. I am a recovering alcoholic. As of this writing I have been sober for 21 years. 16. I ride a motorcycle, a Yamaha Road Star at present. Everyone thinks it's a Harley and I've started letting them think that. It's easier than repeatedly explaining what it really is, and it always disappoints people that it's not Harley-Davidson Road Glide. (It was inevitable.)
17. I broke four ribs in my last motorcycle accident. 18. I am not a very good friend. I'm lousy at reaching out to make contact and almost as bad at returning it. This doesn't mean I don't want it, I just somehow … don't do it. 19. I am a PADI-certified AOW scuba diver. 20. I am listed in the Internet Movie Database. 21. I used to have Prince Albert piercing. 22. I once shot a man named Reno just to eat his pie. 23. I like to "lose" dollar bills to make other people's day. 24. I quit smoking on 8/1/99 after smoking 2 packs a day for about 18 years. I did it cold turkey. 25. I have been arrested 6 times -- for shoplifting when I was 16 and stupid, for unpaid parking tickets gone to warrant when I was 22 and stupid, and for drunk driving from 21 to 24 when I was an asshole practicing alcoholic and stupid. Do the math, please show your work. 26. I used to be a bouncer. 27. When giving my name in restaurants, I tell them either Zero or "Weirdj - with a silent J" 28. I used to work in film production - I've been a PA, grip, best boy grip, key grip, and production coordinator. Mainly I was a grip, which basically translates to "Heavy man moving stupid equipment." Movie Set Tip: the Best Boy Grip is not the guy who's best at moving stuff. It's also not always a guy -- I was once fired by a girl Best Boy. 29. My favorite coffee is Sulawesi, which we buy by the pound at Starbucks. 30. I've had my 15 minutes of fame. 31. I am not a people person. 32. I can sleep anywhere. I have fallen asleep while riding my motorcycle. 33. I have heard voices in my head. 34. I like to tell outrageous lies. I once convinced a co-worker that Waffle House no longer serves waffles. 35. My shameful secret: an on-the-road addiction to watching Blind Date on late-night hotel room TV. 36. I have seen Bruce Springsteen in concert 10 times. 37. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. 38. I love to play No Limit Hold Em poker. I used to be fairly good at it but lately I've been suffering a streak of bad luck of epic proportions. Ask me about my bad beats sometime. 39. I shave my head. It's called going bald with dignity. 40. If I had known in high school what I know now, life would have been a completely different ballgame. 41. My favorite sushi is Saba (mackerel). 42. Matt LeBlanc owes me five dollars. 46. I learned to love Little Feat from my wife.
Back to Pie