Beth and Zoe are addicted to American Idol.

Yes, I am ashamed. Beth is responsible for her own vomitotious tastes in karaoke viewing, but Zoe springs from my loins. WTF is that all about??? The apple fell waaaaay far from the tree on that one.

So tonight is the Big Finale. Complete with Big Drama. Also, Big Off-Key Singing. And let’s not forget Big Hair. And anticipation and suspense over who wins is Big with Beth and Zoe. Me, not so much. Frankly, I couldn’t care less since America lost its mind and voted Nadia off and I stopped watching. I don’t watch it. Never have, never will.

Well, I know who won. It just started playing on TV out here on the west coast a little while ago, but I happened to read an online east coast news headline giving away the surprise before it’s broadcast here, and now I’m teasing Beth and Zoe with my knowledge. They want to know … but don’t want to know. And so I’ve been feeding them a series of clues:

The person who wins…

• Is one of the singers.
• Has hair.
• Is human.
• Doesn’t lose.
• Was not hatched from an egg.
• Sang a song on last night’s show.
• Has not been voted off.
• Is one of the two contestants left.
• Is on American Idol.

…and etc.

Personally, I think they’re all excellent clues. Beth and Zoe, however, do not. But then they watch Idol, so what do they know?