Let me start this entry out by admitting that, yes, we are bourgeois, we are shallow, we are pampered. We are also really sloppy and really bad housekeepers and that is why we have a “cleaning service” (not a “cleaning woman”!) come in once a week.

(Hmmm… I just had an idea: we’re going to have a little contest. First person to correctly answer this question gets to write a guest post here. Question: What former comedian starring in what movie regularly went berserk at the phrase “cleaning woman”? No fair Googling for the answer!)

So, yeah, we have a cleaning woma service come in once a week to sweep and vacuum and clean up behind us because we’re total pigs. I’m sure it sounds very nouveau riche and ostentatious and L.A., but it really isn’t. For $65 a week we get to have a home that’s mostly clean for most of the week and we don’t have to live in our own filth like barnyard animals. I call that a bargain, but that’s just me.

Anyway, enough defensiveness. So we have these people come in to clean up after us once a week and the thing is: these people aren’t the sharpest tacks in the box. They don’t think like “normal” people and they put things away in weird places — today, for example, they put a box of straws and a ziplock bag of coffee beans in the breadbox with the bread. Consequently, we spend half our time looking for stuff that’s moved. A common joke I make when something is missing, like a pair of shoes, maybe, or a CD case, is “Did you look in the dishwasher?” Which isn’t really all that funny when you consider that I’m being serious.

Today, Beth was on her way out to go pee in a cup for her pre-employment drug test for her new job, and she couldn’t find her sunglasses. We looked everywhere (even in the dishwasher) and we couldn’t find them, so she borrowed mine and left for her date with a specimen cup. I found her shades an hour later. In the pantry cupboard. In the kitchen. And now I’m going to let you play along — this is a picture of where I found them. Can you find them?

They’re in there. Somewhere. But where?