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March 12, 2005 - Saturday

 Number One With MSN

There are some weird, twisted, disturbed websearching motherfuckers out there and I love them because I get all the best hits from them.

Just two weeks ago I thought I’d hit my apex when my referrer logs revealed that I came up as the #7 result when someone searched MSN for “better sex ever“. (I’m up to #4 now! Woo!) That in itself was a dream come true, an accomplishment I’d never dared hope I could achieve. Number seven! At MSN! I had arrived, baby! Does it get any better than that?

Well, in fact, it does. Today, kids, my referrals tell me that I am the #1 MSN Search result for “women fucking cats“! How hard does that rock? MSN says I’m the web authority on hot woman on feline love action! Bill Gates likes me, he really, really likes me! And somebody out there has some very strange tastes in kink!

But I have to admit, it is disturbing to find myself ranking so highly this way. Like I said, there are some weird, twisted, disturbed people out there searching the web. Look, I understand that people have their own tastes, I can accept that. But still, it’s strange.

I mean, come on, who searches with MSN?


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 Zoëvolution

Zoe turned nine yesterday. When the hell that happened, I don’t know, but somehow nine years stuttered by when I wasn’t looking.

By the time this happens again she’ll be 18, “legal,” and handcuffed to a railing on the wall of her highly fortified cell inside our impregnable underground compound protected by retinal-scan security measures, sniffer dogs, laser “meatcutter” grids, plasma cannons, and roving biomech hunter/killer teams that home in on the scent of Clearasil.

Boys, you know. They’ll be sniffing about by age 18 and they’re hard to stop. I know, I used to be one.

I wasn’t around for most of what happened during yesterday’s girl-centric birthday festivities — I’m male and was not welcome at the estrogen fest (“Festrogen,” I called it) (and why can’t this anti-boy attitude last???) but Beth summed up all the girlie activities over in her blog.

Grandpa supplied the images below: a retrospective of Zoe’s life, one picture from each year starting when she was about an hour old. Seeing it all collected like that… Wow. And whoa. And… I don’t know, just… That’s my heart there.


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