Zoe has a sleep-over guest tonight; her best friend Katie, whose mom just had a baby this afternoon. Their energy is understandably a little bit high — Zoe’s because she has a friend over, Katie’s because she’s suddenly a Big Sister. Their high energy is translating into two little girls still wide awake and out of their beds and and goofing around two hours post bedtime.

So I just went in there and laid down the Daddy Smackdown: computer off, everyone in bed, everyone stays in bed, good night. And then, to take the edge off the smackdown and give them a little leeway to vent some of the frustration I knew they felt, I asked “Who’s the meanest grownup in the room?” expecting all fingers to point to me. Which they did, along with giggles.

And then Zoe added: “You’re the meanest grownup in the whole house, actually.”

:::Crickets chirping:::

I let her live. But it was definitely lights-out after that little crack.

Remember the other day when I wrote about Dory’s untimely demise? Well, we went out the next day and got Dory II (Cruise Control) … and Dory II joined Dory in that Great Aquarium in the Sky two days later. I caught a crab snacking on her, too, in the morning.

Then Pinky went fins-up in the night and I found a crab munching on her one morning.

Then the very next day Flamey checked out and I literally had to wrestle her masticated body away from a very aggressive crab.

I’ll tell ya, those crabs are eating like kings.

I think the problem is ich, which is a fairly common fish disease that I think Dory I brought into the tank with her and Dory II then supported by bringing in reinforcements. Both Pinky and Flamey (shut up — Zoe named them) were showing symptoms of it before they bought the fish farm, and now two of my remaining three fish are acting a little ich-y.

I’m ready for the carnage to end. I’m asking Death to take a vacation from my fish tank.

I’m running out of euphemisms for “the fish died”!

Oopsie, it’s gone, deleted in a spasm of belated sensitivity.

Don’t dwell on the past, move on!