No Soap Radio

We’re back with a new show after a short delay due to travel and ennui and Beth getting nude rub-downs from half-naked Korean ladies at the Olympic Spa. We’re all over the map again tonight, hitting the following topics and more:

• The not-Burt Bacharach song Do You Know The Way To Santa Fe?
• Beth says “just do it” aka “stop fucking off and do what you’re supposed to”
• Happy Birthday to Randy at 2 Guys 1 Brain
• It’s about time for another show from Mr. Shark Attack & Lady Starfish
• Greetings to new listener Mike Reed — and then Chuck compliments him by insulting his family
• Greetings to new listener and fellow podcast Digger’s Story — and then Chuck gives them a lukewarm review
• Beth’s Goran Visnjic star sighting
• Someone reviewed us at iTunes
• Beth thinks Tommy Lee is sexy, which makes Chuck’s skin crawl
• The What’s The Contest contest is over before it even began due to a complete lack of participation by the listeners. The bright side is that Chuck made $75
• Movie recommendations: Galaxy Quest and Demolition Man
• Firefly vs Serenity — Firefly wins
• Is our music — 80’s music — today’s Musak?
• We can’t decide where to go on vacation, so Beth loses her cool and declares the marriage over

So check us out as we ask Do You Know The Way To Santa Fe?

 

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Happy Birthday to us, we’re 30! Which means, of course, that now none of the younger podcasts trust us anymore. Whatever. Tonight’s topics included:

The No Soap Radio Promo Contest is over — and we won! We created our own promo and declared ourselves the winners. We are the proud winners of an unopened VHS screener copy of Any Given Sunday. And because we’re givers, we donated it right back to the show to use as a prize in another contest…

..which led to the debut of a new contest: the What’s The Contest Contest. We’re going to give away a Shure SM58 microphone as the prize in a show-pimping contest … just as soon as we figure out what the contest is. Hence the What’s The Contest Contest — we’re taking suggestions for a contest to give the mic away, and whoever’s suggestion we pick will win the Any Given Sunday tape. Then we’ll give away the mic. So call us at (206) 339-7627 or email us at soapmail@gmail.com to enter and you could win a free movie helping someone else win an expensive microphone!

Chuck also bitched about the 2 Guys, 1 Brain podcast leaving him hanging for their 100th episode, Beth had an Iron Chef moment, we both said goodbye to Firefly, people are stupid, Chuck confessed to becoming a strong proud black woman every time he listens to the Bono/Mary J. Blige One duet in the car, Beth predicted that TomKat is a scam built on pillows of varying sizes, Chuck compared single sex to lions eating a wildebeest and married sex to having leftovers in the fridge, Chuck is going back to Colorado tomorrow and San Jose and Alabama and Georgia after that, and much much more.

So check us out, if you dare, because they say to Never Trust A Podcast Over Thirty.

 

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We close the show tonight with the start of the No Soap Radio Promo Contest — we need a promo, so we’re opening it up to the listeners to take a crack at it. We’ll play the entries (if we get any) on the show and the winner will receive an unopened screener VHS copy of the movie Any Given Sunday. Yes, we know it’s a crappy prize. Create your promo entry accordingly.

Other topics tonight included our rising rank over at Podcast Alley and thanks to all who have voted; new pins on the Frappr map from the Pete and Renee Show, Republican Steve, Ajoon from South Africa, and our old meat sweats pal Amanda Page; a new bus sound effect for when Beth throws Chuck under the bus — which got used at least four times tonight; Zoe told her lost explorers joke that Chuck blew in an earlier show; Bruce Dern is an asshole; the country song Boondocks is a little bit too self-defensive to be true; Project Runway; trying to find tickets to see a taping of American Idol; Dick “Shotgun” Cheney; new closing music from Laughingstock; and etc.

So check us out, we’re Introducing the NSR Promo Contest!

 

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Because we care about you, the listener, we’ve added an audio cue to our repertoire: a city bus. So now, when Beth is throwing Chuck under the bus, she’ll have sound effects to do it by. And she makes quick use of it tonight — multiple times.

We also talked about our new listener and fellow podcaster Eliza Metz of The SideShow podcast, pimped our Frappr map, begged for votes at Podcast Alley, figured out that we’re in the top 20% of shows there — or maybe the top 5% depending on which of us does the math, trading “who’s been in jail the most” stories with Chuck’s brothers at a 2-year-old’s birthday party at our extremely white-bread/straight-edge in-laws’ house, finding porn on the same in-laws’ computer while fixing it, our daughter was almost born on Leap Day which would have saved us tons of money on birthday presents, Gummi Bears are evil, The Aristocrats was great, and much, much more.

So check it out, Here Come De Bus!

 

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This is really show #27.5, because we recorded #27 and decided not to publish it — it was too mean and nasty, filled with threats of divorce and angry outbursts, really not showing us at our best at all. Everything you’d really like to hear, right? Too bad.

Instead, we have this version, where we talk about pretty ponies and butterflies and fluffy bunnies and… No, wait, that’s what we ate for breakfast. But we really did talk about fluffy bunnies — it’s what Beth planned to say she was afraid of on the Amazing Race application when she was thinking of trying out for it.

Other topics of discussion tonight were: Chuck’s unwanted porn gag on the 2 Guys 1 Brain podcast, Adelphia sucks donkey balls and Beth almost went postal on them, we finally got a response to the help wanted ad for a recording engineer, stomach flu is running through the household, gambling in Calgary and winning at craps, poutine at A&W Root Beer, our dog’s $1000 chewing appetite, Chuck hates “Goodnight Belgium” and Beth hates our new closing music.

Check us out, we are now with poutine!

 

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It’s a solid 32 minutes and 50 seconds of comedy tonight — if you ignore the tasteless Michael Jackson joke and Chuck fucking up the punchline of Zoe’s joke. Tonight’s topics included: new mike stands, music piracy, votes at Podcast Alley — we’re in the top 5 percentile (we think), cataracts and reading glasses and walkers (oh my!), a fond farewell to Evaporation, SWAG, a new phone jack for the Vagina Tivo, chunky verbal diarrhea… And of course the ruined joke.

Check us out, we’ll be here all week!

 

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We’ve got a long one this time. The show, that is: 50+ minutes of No Soap goodness with a solid 15 - 20 minutes of actual content. And you get it for free! Such a deal…

How do you make money podcasting? Sell a motorcycle mid-show. We took a 2-hour break halfway through while Chuck sold a motorcycle for a stack of hundred dollar bills, but it was all talk all the time for the rest of it, covering such topics as: pins in the Frappr map from our new listeners in Texas and Wisconsin, tattoos and the urge for more ink, a potential scuba vacation, Zoe’s feaer of Great White sharks, Chuck’s upcoming trip to Calgary, Beth’s $37,000 bluetooth headset, Lexus cookies, sandpaper toilet paper, Firefly, the Wild Boyz, why it takes 2 hours to set up for a 3o minute show, the Bennifer trifecta, and etc…

Check it out, it’s the Cash Money Show!

 

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…aaaaand we’re back.

Hey there, kids, did you miss us? No? Yeah, we could tell. It’s been more than a month since the last show and only one person — one! — wondered where we were. So we played his voicemail and gave his show — 2 Guys 1 Brain — a well-deserved shout-out.

We also talked about Beth’s new Lexus, Beth threw Chuck under the bus (again) by ratting him out on watching Project Runway, Oliver the not-dead-yet-cat’s new name is Danger and he attacks our dogs constantly, Beth recommends the retractable Sharpie highlighter in the multi-color multi-pack, Chuck has waaay too many pairs of lounging pants, Beth has a cold … or maybe allergies … or maybe cancer, our bedroom Tivo has a vagina, Chuck got a Harley for Christmas — sort of, Beth got bangs, Motley Crue got a star on the Walk of Fame, and etc, etc, etc.

Check it out, we’re Back in Black and we have a new episode up.

 

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Well, will you look at that? Just in time for Christmas, it’s another No Soap Radio. Yes, it’s true: we’re givers. We’re filled with the holiday spirit tonight as we play a little Springsteen and discuss such things as Chuck nearly having his truck impounded for expired registration and parking tickets, Beth dressing our pets up in Christmas costumes, Beth’s new washer and dryer, Chuck’s 1-item Christmas Wish List (hint: it’s a Harley), all the gift wrapping still left to do, Beth’s upcoming Boxing Day Lexus shopping spree, and a very special holiday “Fuck You” to all the asshats who want to make people say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.

Check it out: Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town!

And as promised in the show, here’s a picture of Beth and Suki being amazed by the new washing machine. Beth’s only regret is that it doesn’t have an internal light. Fortunately, she had a flashlight:

 

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Chuck apologizes for the quality of the audio in the “…And Christmas Was Ruined” episode. We used real mics — expensive ones! — and a mixing board and headphones and cables and everything … and Chuck fucked up and forgot to plug it all into the laptop. End result: it recorded with the cheap-ass built-in laptop mic rather than all our state-of-the-art equipment, but it sounded just fine to us as we recorded because everything was working correctly right up ’til that final air-gap. Unfortunately, it sounds like complete shit for you. Sorry about that…

We really, really, really need an engineer up in this podcast. Take a drink.