As is our custom, when I tuck Zoe in for the night we usually lay down together and chat. We chat about all manner of things, and I use this time to hopefully get a deeper glimpse into her day and what's going on with her. We also spend a fair amount of time talking about the kittens (Zoe's favorite topic).
Well last night's conversation was one I was so not ready for. Out of nowhere Zoe (who I will remind you is eight and in the 4th grade) asked me what a wet dream was.
Oy.
I asked her why she wanted to know. She told me that one of her classmates (a boy) has asked her if she knew what it was, and she said yes she did, even though she didn't, and now wanted to know what it was.
I explained that it was something boys had and excused myself in search of her father, as I felt this was more his area of expertise than mine.
Clearly in the shock of the situation I'd lost my mind. Chuck was having none of it. He mumbled something to the effect of telling her it means wetting the bed and then he ran for cover.
Mercifully by the time I returned she was on to new and different topics.
Posted by beth at September 23, 2004 10:06 AMYup... I have to admit that if my wife came looking for me to field a question like that... it would take days to get that 'deer in the headlights' look off my face!
Posted by: David at September 23, 2004 03:00 PMOur husbands were cut from the same cloth. The spousal unit's standard response to any of this was to fervently wish that our daughter hold off having any sort of sexual awareness or sex life until he died. She is now 26, so I think we can all agree that's not going to happen.
*Snort*.
Thank you so much for supporting the Jog for the Jugs. This is very close to my heart and I'm touched you've done this. Much 'preciated.
Posted by: Marn, eh at September 24, 2004 12:17 PMYour husbands are babies. I go right to the absolute truth of the matter. With my own daughter I've found it's helpful to lean in close and in a gentle confident tone use the most obfuscating language I can muster. Multisyllabic words describing mechanical functions, electrochemical brain responses, mitosis and meiosis, the moon, grunion, that one weird uncle on mom's side, and Petri dishes. I tangentially include hydrodynamics, thermodynamics, and General Dynamics. By this time she is off and dreaming. Quite dryly.
Posted by: Mr. Amaya at September 24, 2004 04:25 PMMr. Amaya, you are cordially invited to Casa de Atkins to have that talk with our little bundle of joy. Since you are clearly the expert in this field, I will leave it in your capable hands. And btw: in this household, the weird uncle is on her father's side.
Posted by: me at September 24, 2004 05:49 PM...and the weird aunt is on Mom's side.
Posted by: Chuck at September 24, 2004 06:04 PMI'd have to agree with Mr. Amaya: give the truthful, albeit unembellished answer, with appropriate additional references to aeronautics and database technologies (my core competencies). Right now we (my six year and I) are studying biology and identification of things in the yard. Eventually the topic gravitated to the reproductive behaviours of slugs (which at least sounds mechanically impressive) and mushrooms. No biggie.
FWIW, I posed a similar dilemma to my folks when I was younger, overhearing an "All in the Family" episode where Edith was going through "the change." I just wanted to know what that was, not the whole biology lesson.
Posted by: jim at September 25, 2004 05:46 PMWhatever happened to "Where do babies come from?" Now it's "explain wet dreams" aaaargh. I couldn't handle that without turning five shades of red meself. Which just goes to show how squeamish and private adults can be about about sex. I seem to recall the academic phrase "nocturnal emissions" which might make it easier to explain.
Posted by: Lesley at September 29, 2004 05:10 PM