When you have a job, no matter how much you may love it, there are times when you need to take a mental health day. Unfortunately, this has never been an acceptable call-in excuse. So, you are forced to come up with an excuse.
As my sister always said, diarrhea is always an excellent call in reason because no one wants the details.
At one time migraines were a great excuse, but now there are all those medicines that promise immediate relief. So, that formerly fabulous excuse is out the window.
Sick kids are another great one, but since I work from home so much, a sick kid at home is no excuse for not meeting my billable hours.
But the bad thing about calling in “sick” is that I have found that if you spend too much time working on your excuse, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to end up with precisely the ailment you were going to fake.
I called in sick today. Well, I tried to call in, but I couldn’t reach my boss on the phone. So I sent him an e-mail that said: I’m sick. I won’t be in today. Problem solved. No need to make up some excuse.
Well, about 15 minutes ago my work phone rang. I only answered it because my co-worker, who is also my girlfriend was on the line. I told her I was sick. She said, “you don’t sound sick.” So, I told her I had a crashing headache.
I felt fine until about 10 minutes ago. Now, I have a crashing headache.
I am in the process of “working with” my health insurance company so they will approve the cataract surgery my eye doctor says I need. By “working with” I mostly mean me calling them up and yelling at them and then a few days later receiving a form letter from them followed by me calling and yelling and a form letter arriving shortly thereafter. Lather, rinse, and repeat until one of us gives up in frustration. (Note to Blue Cross California: it will not be me giving up.)
While the prospect of getting my eyeball cut into, having the doctor shoot ultrasound waves into my eyeball to liquefy my cloudy lens then sucking it out with an eyeball sized vacuum and then having the doctor insert an intra ocular lens into my eyeball may not sound appealing, I’m actually very excited.
I’m excited for two really good reasons:
1. I will no longer need to wear a corrective lens to see like Steve Austin from my left eye. I wear a correction for my right eye, but it’s so minimal, I often only wear my left lens. Besides, I’m absolutely certain that when focusing my left eye I will hear the Six Million Dollar Man “bionic” sound effect.
2. For about 24 hours after surgery I will have to wear an eye patch. When the doctor told me that I immediately reported to Chuck that for the duration of time that I need to wear an eye patch I will be talking like a pirate. Arrrrrrrrrrr. (As you can imagine, he found this enormously amusing.)
Well, so imagine my surprise and delight when I saw that Carol had a, “What’s Your Pirate Name” quiz. So I immediately went over and took the quiz. Now my family will know what to call me when I’m wearing my eye patch:
My pirate name is:
Dread Pirate Vane
Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that’s okay, because it’s much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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Everyone always talks about that recurring dream where you’re giving your big presentation and you discover your naked. Personally, I have never had this dream. And furthermore, I am comfortable in saying that I’ve never left the house having forgotten my clothing.
Tomorrow morning at a waaaay too early time of day I have a big meeting with many mega honchos at my office. I’ve known about the meeting for at least a week and while it’s important, I’m not particularly nervous about it. And really, I was flattered to be included because they want my input on some important stuff.
However, apparently in my deep subconscious I must be a little tweaky because last night I dreamed that I had arrived at the meeting completely unprepared and was frantically trying to reconstruct my notes making a list of my talking points on a scrap of toilet paper.
Wishing you a safe, happy, and healthy New Year!