Diary of a SubUrban Housewife


December 27, 2005

An Open Letter

Filed under: Around the Neighborhood — Beth @ 7:22 pm

To the girls who work at the kiosks in malls across the land:

1. Get off your freakin cell phone. I do not want to wait for you to finish your phone call with your best friends Tiffani and Brittani or your boyfriend Studpuppy before asking you a question.

2. Take your freakin sunglasses off the top of your head. The mall is indoors. It’s winter. It’s dark out. You look ridiculous.

Yes, I know mall kiosk girl, that this is not your life’s work, but it is your job for right now, so do it to the best of your measly ability.

Signed,
Someone who will never ever ever ever stop at your kiosk again, even if you were giving away diamonds.

December 20, 2005

Why Little Dogs Are So Much Fun

Filed under: Uncategorized — Beth @ 4:18 pm

December 15, 2005

Life, In Five Minute Increments

Filed under: All About Me — Beth @ 9:21 am

I was wakened, at precisely 4:30 this morning, by my left eye tearing uncontrollably and a searing pain in that very same eye. Like ground glass pain. And as I was nearly certain I hadn’t actually rubbed ground glass in my eye, I knew this was not good.

I proceeded to get out of my extremely toasty bed and brave the wilds of a very cold bedroom to make my way to the bathroom to see what was going on. So, in order to actually see, I turned on the bathroom light.

Ding!

Big mistake.

The light made my eye feel like the ground glass was being further ground into my eye with the help of some sandpaper. Turned off the light.

And though it was 4:30 in the morning and I was cold, in dire pain, tearing uncontrollably, and because this all wasn’t fabulous enough, had an extremely runny nose now (see above eye tearing thing–they’re all connected in your skull, which I’m sure is convenient sometimes but wasn’t this morning), I did make the giant brain leap that it would probably be a really good idea to take my contact lenses out.

I have extended wear lenses. I have for the last 23 years. I can sleep in my lenses. I nearly always do. By contact lenses and ground glass/sandpaper is not a good combination.

But when I turned on the light it made the pain worse. So I was going to have to get my contacts out of my eyes in the cold, dark bathroom. This process, which normally takes about 32 seconds took me about 15 minutes and it was not a pretty sight.

I got the lenses out finally and made my way back to bed. Unfortunately, the pain did not go away immediately, nor did the tearing or runny nose thing, so I laid in bed for about 30 minutes before I could fall back to sleep.

The thing is, despite the major eye pain I had to go to an installation at my biggest client’s office this morning.

Ding!

So I drove there tearing eye, runny nose, and all, with my left eye closed most of the way and got there, did the installation, and managed to get home without killing myself. And the pain and photo-sensitivity were getting a little better.

Chuck suggested that going to the eye doctor might not be a bad idea. And after much hemming and hawing I acquiesced. I had a 2:00 appointment.

To make a long story short, it turned out I have an ulcerated cornea and some kind of infection. But they don’t actually know what kind of infection, so they had to numb my eye and then repeatedly swab it with Q-tips and put the results of those swabs into petri dishes and hope that something grows and that whatever prescriptions he’s giving me will deal with that infection, or he’ll have to change my medication.

But apparently these infections need to be treated very aggressively. So aggressively, in fact, that I had to drive 45 minutes across town in rush hour to go to a very special “compounding pharmacy” where they would make up the three lovely cocktails that he wants me to use.

And not only is it three different kinds of antibiotics

Ding!,

but I have to alternate which one I put in my eye each time. And they have to be dropped in at five minute intervals until midnight. And one of them has to stay in the refrigerator. I finally had to make a little chart to know which drug as to go in when because five minutes will pass and I pretty much forget which one I did last (because on top of all of this, I am a rocket scientist!)

So I’m spending the night with the kitchen timer at my side, living life in five minute increments.