Diary of a SubUrban Housewife


October 30, 2003

Gross Enough

Filed under: Family Stuff,Photos — Beth @ 11:45 am

Well, because this (scroll down to gross head door decoration) wasn’t gross enough in it’s stickiness, it has now morphed to a new level of disgustingness.

Some of the juicier bits:

(Clicking on this one will make it bigger.)
head.jpg

Notice the lovely dead bugs and bug parts stuck to the tongue. Yummy. (This is full size.)
tongue.jpg

OK there’s a really gross red bug stuck to the eyeball (not to mention more bug body parts). (Also full size.)

goodeye.jpg

10 Reasons Why My Maids are Stupider than Dirt

Filed under: Family Stuff — Beth @ 11:19 am

1. They have no concept of what a drainboard is for. If/when there are dishes, they stack them up in the sink.

2. They hide my pots and pans, instead of putting them on the pot-rack hanging in the middle of my kitchen.

3. They put the lids in a completely different cupboard.

4. The commingle bowls and pots/pans, all in the wrong spot.

(OK, those probably could have been one item.)

5. They have no concept of putting a pair of shoes together in the closet. One shoe can be on one shelf, the other on another, or even in a completely unrelated third location.

6. Their idea of tidying is to pile things up and cover it with a towel or blanket.

7. They washed my favorite pair of wool trousers. Good thing I found them before they made it to the dryer, though they’ve never been quite the same.

8. We use toothpaste in those nifty stand-up types of tubes. They insist on leaving the toothpaste laying on its side, thus reducing squeezability.

9. Instead of putting loose change they find in the big bin of loose change, they will take any cup, saucer, or other dish and pile coins in there. They have been known to do it with three cups in the same room.

10. They make little displays of salt shakers on the coffee table in the family room. The concept of the kitchen has obviously not been made clear.

Yes, I know, I need new maids. I’ll just add that to the list.

October 28, 2003

Post-Apolcolyptic

Filed under: Around the Neighborhood,Photos — Beth @ 5:23 pm

This is a picture taken outside my house at 3:30 this afternoon. The fires are about 10 miles away. The sky is murky. The sun is glowing orange. The picture doesn’t do it justice, but it’s a taste. It’s eerie.

Opportunism

Filed under: Around the Neighborhood — Beth @ 10:10 am

On my commute this morning I was listening to news radio coverage of the fire storms. I was listening until I heard a commercial that really pissed me off.

Catholic Mortuaries was offering all good Catholic families an emergency papers organizer. Keep your will, insurance policies, baptismal certificates, etc. all in one handy place, courtesy of Catholic Mortuaries.

Here’s the thing: I listen to news radio often enough that I’m vaguely familiar with their commercial rotation. I’ve never heard this commercial before. Had it run at any other time it I couldn’t have cared less. I just thought the timing was in really poor taste.

OK, at least they weren’t offering discount cremation services.

October 26, 2003

Shameless Plea

Filed under: Donate!,My Old Man — Beth @ 9:00 am

OK, so the old man is once again riding in the Love Ride. He’s out to raise $600. I’ve kicked down. Won’t you????

Here’s the deal: if he makes his goal I will ride with him….in a black leather halter top. And if you kick down you will get a picture of me in said black leather halter. How’s that for motivation? You just have to prove to me that you kicked down.

Come on. It’s for a very worthy cause. Let’s show the love folks.

October 24, 2003

George Is Here!!!!

Filed under: Webishness — Beth @ 4:13 pm

A while ago, Chuck wrote about www.wheresgeorge.com. I would link the entry, but not sure I can be bothered to go through his archives. If you’d like to do so, knock yourself out.

Anyway, we’re all about wheresgeorge. I went so far as to have a little stamp made that I put on all my bills, religiously, for a while. I would dutifully enter them in my personal bills database. Then I’d go and spend them. Then I’d go and check back. I’ve entered several hundreds of dollars into their system and have not had one hit.

Well today I go to pay for lunch and notice that one of my bills has www.wheresgeorge.com on it. I got soooo excited. The people I was lunching with thought I was insane, but I don’t really care.

Anyway, I just entered my bill into wheresgeorge. It was originally entered in Witchia, Kansas on February of this year. It’s been waiting to be found for 245 days and 59 minutes, and it traveled a distance of 1,195 miles (for an average of 4.9 miles per day).

The person who entered the bill will now get an e-mail from the system.

OK, I’m probably the only person who thinks this is vaguely cool, but I do, so there.

October 23, 2003

Going Topless

Filed under: All About Me — Beth @ 8:38 pm

I’m having a hankering for a new car. Consistent with what appears to be my mid-life crisis, I want a convertible. Before I bought my Volvo (which is candy apple red, naturally) I briefly entertained a sporty car. I test drove the Z3. It was cute and peppy. Then I looked in what they called the trunk. I couldn’t fit two gallons of milk in it, and as I was not in the market for a second car, but a primary mode of transportation, I decided this was probably not the best way to go.

This hankering has been building up. About a year ago I wanted a Vespa. I could toodle around town on it. Light green maybe, certainly with a leopard seat. But alas, I don’t have much room in my life for toodling. I couldn’t use it, even in an emergency, to go to work, so I shelved that plan.

Then was the Mini. How cute are they? And you can get one for like $25000, fully loaded. I even made an appointment to test drive one. Then I saw one in a parking lot and fully examined it, without the pressure of a car salesman breathing down my neck. Well, I couldn’t fit my dry cleaning in one of those. Another one down the drain.

I’m still fairly stuck on the Infiniti G35. The sedan. They’re sexy and sporty.

But, I need to feel the wind in my hair.

So my latest two choices are a BMW 3-series convertible, and a Chrylser Sebring. Thing is, I have Chrysler issues. Beyond the obvious Celine Dion issues, I’ve never driven an American-made car.

Here’s the thing you should know about me and my car choices: it’s all about the cup holders and how cute I look. (I will report that I’ve noticed in finding all these links that manufacturers love to show their cars in silver. I will not get silver. I will likely get black. Unless I go with the Infiniti, then I will go with dark navy, so take that into consideration in voicing your opinion. Because your opinion counts!)

I have spent the better part of the last hour attempting to trim a picture of me down and putting it in the car so you could tell me which one I look cuter in, but alas, as the old man is not here to assist me with this, and I’m Photoshop-challenged, I ask you dear readers to use your imagination.

This is me.

This is the BMW:

This is the Chrysler:

Which one will I look cuter in?

Please advise.

October 21, 2003

High Beams

Filed under: All About Me,Boobies! — Beth @ 3:44 pm

This entry is going to be about breasts, including my own personal pair. If this offends you, you’ve been warned and you can move on.

Men love breasts. I can understand that. What’s not to love? But it seems what men really like about breasts in an accessible, daily life, free/cheap thrill kind of way are erect nipples showing through a t-shirt or blouse.

There are lots of names for erect nipples. High beams and titty hard ons (or t.h. for short) seem to be the most common. Feel free to share your favorites.

Jennifer Aniston’s nipples are quite popular with my husband. It seems you can always see them.

Thing is, when a woman’s nipples are showing through her clothes she knows about it. I’ve gone out making a conscious decision to show mine. When shopping at the hardware store, it’s almost a necessity, for example.

Generally though, for work, I make other choices. I have several bras, specifically for work that, while not “padded” (cuz I don’t really need that) are sort of “fiber-filled”. You get a nice smooth line under a t-shirt, or frankly whatever you’re wearing. It’s more “professional”.

Today however, I made a different bra choice. Bra choice: a cute little item from Victoria’s Secret that’s made out of a jersey/t-shirt material. It’s super comfy with a fair amount of support. But it’s made out jersey/t-shirt material, so when there’s a chill in the air, everyone things I’m glad to see them. This bra is a fine choice under a sweater, or under several layers of clothes. But, considering it’s 90+ degrees here, I didn’t go that route. Instead I wore a tight fitting white button down shirt made out of some kind of vaguely stretchy material. It clung in all the right places, and enhanced my bustline quite nicely. It’s a damned cute shirt.

So today I wore a damned cute shirt to work, and my damned cute nipples paraded themselves all around our very air conditioned office.

Perhaps I was just happy to be there?

October 20, 2003

Another Place

Filed under: All About Me — Beth @ 1:27 pm

When I was about to turn 30 I quit my job of eight years, sublet my apartment, gave my sister my cats, and moved to Spain. To a little village called Cadaques. Just so you know, it really looks like this picture.

Cadaques is in the northeast corner of Spain. A two hour drive northeast from Barcelona, on the Costa Brava.

I bring this up today because one of my coworkers just returned from two weeks in Spain. At my urging, he and his friends went for a day trip to Cadaques. We talked about it at lunch today.

I sat at the table and closed my eyes. I could see blue sea, white buildings, red tile roofs. I saw Jean Pierre, the man I loved. I saw friends. I was sitting in the Maratim drinking cafe con leche in the morning, drinking beer in the afternoon, watching the fishing boats moored nearby. I was 30 again.

The year I spent in Cadques was one of the most incredible years of my life. I would still be there, I’m certain, had I not run out of money. Alas. I have been back there, but not for many years. A big part of my heart is there.

I miss Cadaques. And I miss the me that I was there.

October 19, 2003

Fresh Hell

Filed under: Around the Neighborhood — Beth @ 4:26 pm

Welcome to Los Angeles, California. The home of my nightmares:

1. It’s fucking hot. This weekend, the mercury has topped out in triple digits. Yes, 100+ in the middle of October.

2. The MTA is on strike. OK, so there’s no public transportation so traffic is even worse then usual. And we thought it couldn’t get any worse!!! Ha!!!! And when I do manage to get someplace, all the parking spots I seem to find are heading right into the sun. See item #1 for why this sucks worse than usual.

3. Grocery workers are either on strike or are being locked out. So this means that if I want groceries I need to either go to 3 or 4 small stores or Costco and the supermarket too, or go to Gelsons and pay 30% more for my groceries. I’ve been opting for Gelsons but after walking out $200 lighter today with hardly anything in my cart, I may be rethinking this option.

4. Halloween is coming. I hate Halloween. I’ve hated it since I was a kid. It has not improved with age for me. My daughter loves Halloween. So does my husband. I’ve been bamboozled by my daughter into throwing a Halloween party. As if that’s not bad enough, it is sort of incumbent upon me, as hostess, to dress up. I loathe dressing up for Halloween.

As usual, it sucks to be me right about now.