Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

September 29, 2003

Monday’s Regular Feature

Filed under: MeMe — Beth @ 8:54 pm

Herpes:: Simplex
Freddy:: Kruger
October:: fest
Hunting:: Good Will
MSN:: .com
36:: DD
Hotel:: Four Seasons
Travesty:: loss
Health:: Insurance
Conditions:: apply

As always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.

Timing is Everything

Filed under: All About Me,My Old Man — Beth @ 1:31 pm

Chuck’s travel schedule takes him out of town the last week of the month and the first week of the following month. He’s gone roughly 13 days. His arrival at home is generally somewhere around the 5th or 6th of the month.

Generally, my “time of the month” arrives on the 6th or 7th.

This means that my husband is gone while I have PMS.

Let me assure you this does not stop me from calling him to go all psycho-bitch on him, but at least his contact with me is limited to a few phone calls a day, instead of the constant streaming bitch that I can be.

I have to ask myself: did he request this schedule?

September 27, 2003


Filed under: Webishness — Beth @ 5:04 pm

If you feel compelled to forward me e-mail you think is absolutely hysterical, pithy, heartwarming, tragic, adorable, endearing, topical, or whatever, at least have the common decently to cut and paste it into a new e-mail. Do not expect me to keep opening forward upon forward upon forward. I will not, so don’t waste your time.

September 25, 2003

Passing It On

Filed under: Zoe — Beth @ 6:22 pm

Apparently 3rd grade is a pivotal time for girls. Zoe and her classmates range in age from 7 1/2 (my Zoe) to nearly 9 (the other Zoe). The thing is, while my Zoe is the youngest, she is among the tallest in her class, so it’s not like she’s young and tiny (OK, small consolation).

According to the principal of Zoe’s school, 3rd grade could best be renamed the mean season. It is a time when all the girls get really mean to each other.

Since the start of school there have been several incidents of notes being
passed among the girls. The notes range from your garden variety: so-and-so has a crush on so-and-so; do you like so-and-so, please check yes or no; you are cool; to so-and-so’s parents are not cool.

My Zoe was on the recieving end of a your parents are not cool note. It crushed her.

The fact that the note was written by the dorkiest kid in her class about my daughter, a kid that wears a leather motorcycle jacket to school and gets picked up from school on a motorcycle, was lost on my sensitive little girl. Further componding this was that neither Chuck nor I were crushed to find out that in the eyes of the 3rd grade, we’re not cool. I told Zoe that I’m so cool I don’t care that no one thinks I’m cool. Chuck fessed up to being tragically unhip as I recall.

Well, the note passing has reached epic proportions apparently. So much so that the principal had to step in today. Paper and pencils are banned from the playground. Note passing will not be tolerated.

All the girls, guilty or innocent were talked to on the playground. The new rules were repeated in the classroom, in front of all the kids and the teachers.

I’m glad to see that there are voices of reason at her school. I’m glad to see that justice was administered quickly and, in my opinion fairly.

It will making writing that next tuition check not hurt so much.

September 22, 2003

Monday’s Regular Feature

Filed under: MeMe — Beth @ 11:58 am

Savings:: account
On:: line
Wire:: cutters
Word:: association
Bladder:: infection
Missing:: persons
Side:: winder
Window:: sill
Digit:: al
Swirl:: fudge

As always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.

September 21, 2003

The Feast of San Gennaro

Filed under: Family Stuff — Beth @ 7:23 pm

The Atkins’ had a little family outing today.

In an ill-conceived attempt at recreating my childhood in New York City, we went to Hollywood today to participate in the Left Coast version of the Feast of San Gennaro.

Every fall we’d make our way to the twisty, turning, crowded streets of Little Italy for the Feast. All the curb-side tables of the local restaurants were full of patrons. The streets were filled with booths of all kinds: rides for the kids; pizza (real pizza I should say); spicy sausage sandwiches; cannoli; zeppoli; calzone; religious statuary; and all manner of tchotchkes (OK, now who really knows how to spell that?).

It was a always a brisk fall day filled with sights and smells, fun and excitement. We’d walk. We’d eat. We’d look. We’d have fun.

It seemed a brilliant plan for a family outing. I could share a bit of my childhood memories with my family. Well, not so much.

The LA version of the Feast took place in what seemed a parking lot. There were some cheesy rides, a few chance booths, and some food booths.

Our first stop was for zeppoli. Zeppoli are basically Italian donuts. More like a begniet since there’s no hole. They’re fried dough covered with powdered sugar. You can get them at nearly any pizzaria in New York. I loved them as a kid. As an adult, not so much. The zeppoli were a: overpriced, and b: tough.

We then strolled around in 100 degree heat, doing a little fair reconnnaissance. I ran into a friend I know from work who was there with his son. I took comfort in the fact that he was melting as well.

We decided the fair sucked and we were going to leave but decided to stop for some gelato. Zoe chose vanilla. I opted for a mixed berry/chocolate combo. Chuck chose a hot dog from a vendor across the way. Zoe hated her ice cream. Mine was adequate.

On the way back to the car we walked by a pizza vendor. Chuck ordered a slice of pepparoni. I took a bite. Oh. My. God. It was pizza. Real pizza. It tasted like the pizza I had growing up.

We found a spot in the shade. Zoe and I ate our ice cream. Chuck his pizza. All of a sudden the ice cream was not such a great idea. I went back and got two more slices. Pepperoni for Z and plain cheese for me. My slice was good, but not as good as Chuck’s for some reason.

The fair, as is turns out, was much like the pizza, not as good

September 18, 2003

Yes, I Know

Filed under: Webishness — Beth @ 11:43 am

I have had at least five different versions of this either e-mailed or IM’d to me over the last two days.

Yes, it’s amazing. Yes I know.

Please stop sending it to me.

>Subject: crazy!

>The paomnnehil pweor of the hmuan mnid.
>Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in
>waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
>the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
>The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
>Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
>but the wrod as a wlohe.
>amzanig huh?

September 17, 2003

Riding Low

Filed under: All About Me — Beth @ 2:43 pm

I’m here to tell you that body piercings are not only a lifestyle (of sorts) choice, but also a fashion choice.

Since my piercing, I’ve felt the need to modify my wardrobe. Initially it was for comfort reasons. Those first couple of weeks I couldn’t stand to have anything rubbing on my belly. While the piercing did not actively hurt, having something rubbing on it all day was uncomfortable. Mercifully, we had business casual dress so I was able to manage. Well, I can now wear trousers and other items with a proper waistband but I find I choose not to, whenever possible.

Now, I’m all about low-rise. Or, as we called them in the 60′s hip huggers.

So I pierce my belly button and as a result have to buy an entirely new wardrobe.

Since I have a closet full of expensive suits and whatnot, the entirely new wardrobe is having to take place in dribs and drabs. I mean, I did not acquire all these clothes in one weekend, so completely replacing them will have to be done over the course of time.

But this past weekend I bought a couple of new pairs of low-rise slacks for work. And imagine my absolutely delighted surprise when I went to buy new trousers and found that I’d actually gone down a whole size. Woo hoo, go Beth!

So, Beth needs all new clothes, and she needs them in smaller sizes. You can all start feeling really bad for me any time you like.

So along with low-rise trousers, come low-rise panty hose. A brilliant idea, with a piss-poor execution.

I’m wearing regular trousers today but didn’t want the trouser waistband and the pantyhose waistband to rub all day long. I opted for the low-rise pantyhose.

Have any of you dear readers ever had the pleasure of wearing a garment made primarily of lycra, lowish on your hips (and please note dear readers, I do not discriminate by gender here)?

What happens when you sit down? Yes, you know….the garment rolls down. And then what happens? Your tummy, no matter how small and cute, or less small and less cute, sausages right over the top of your hose. And how cute is that? Not at all cute. In fact, I’m thankful that I’m wearing pants and cannot see what it going on under them because I would be horrified, even though I can tell what it looks like from how it feels.

So low-rise is my thing despite the fact that it has long been a personal rule of mine that if you were old enough to wear something when it was in fashion the first time, you’re too old to wear it again when it comes back in style.

Late Night Snacks

Filed under: All About Me — Beth @ 12:13 am

I need to fall asleep with the TV on. One of the world’s most perfect inventions, in my opinion, is the sleep timer for the TV. No more waking up in the middle of the night to some dreadful infomercial and groping around in the bedclothes to find the remote and turn off the box. Just hit the little button, set it for 30, 60, or 90 minutes, get in the sleepy position, and poof, voila.

The thing is, I’ve become fond of programs airing on sydicated late night TV that I never even considerd watching in first run. My viewing choices horrify my husband. I will now admit some of them to you. I know you will be horrified as well.

1. The Nanny. Oy vey. I never watched it in first run. Loved it late night. I’d stay up way too late to catch it. It was on at like 12:30 a.m., a time when any working girl should be sleeping.
2. Living Single. Gotta love you some Kim Fields. That girl had more hair on that show then anyone has a right to.
3/4. M*A*S*H and Cheers. OK, I did watch both of those first-run. I bet I’ve seen every single episode of M*A*S*H ever created, most of them four to five times, if not more. Same with Cheers.
5. Home Improvement. I wouldn’t stay up past my bedtime for this one.
6. Dharma & Greg. This has been my latest indulgence.

Most of my late night viewing is either on FOX or whatever network Channel 13 is (we don’t have that on the dish anymore, oh well).

But the late night programmers are fickle. Just when you get into a pattern and really come to love the syndicated trash they switch up the programming.

My latest late-night disappointment started last week. I got in bed at 12:00, all ready for some Dharma & Greg. Alas, no. It was Married With Children. I mean I’ll go low, but only so low I tell you, and certainly not that low.

Then I did some channel surfing and found we had some new channels at the low end of the channel spectrum and they were all the local LA stations. No D&G on FOX, but it was on something else, probably 13. Kewl. I could continue to indulge.

This week those channels are gone.

I got in bed at 11:30 tonight, early for me. I had to endure the end of Miracle Mile, which Chuck was watching, and when it was finally over and I was all ready to dig into some late night trash, there was nothing to be had.

So now I’m out of bed again, despite my efforts to get to bed at a reasonable hour.

You have your network sponsors to thank for this entry.

September 15, 2003

Monday’s Regular Feature

Filed under: MeMe — Beth @ 7:35 pm

Wedding:: bells
Roach:: Motel
Expense:: account
Fight:: or flight
Air:: port
Protect:: and serve
Glance:: first
Boo:: hiss
Steamy:: sexy
Caviar:: yummy

As always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.